Déjà Vu

She came laughing out of the bowling alley. In a bright pink hoodie, she looked like the happy teenager she was. The light turned green, and the line of cars ahead of me started to move slowly. I caught her looking at me as I turned away. Enjoy it while you can, Life will get you I thought to myself. I saw myself in the teenager. Ten years ago, I looked as carefree as she did.

The teenager in the pink hoodie turned back to look at her friends. "Did you see that lady in the car? She looked so sophisticated, didn't she?".
"Oh yeah, like, totally..expensive car"
Why do I even bother? thought the teen, as she looked away into her future. She pictured herself in the car, looking almost exactly like the stranger she had just seen. And yet, she had seemed familiar.

I hope the teen doesn't make the same mistakes I did, Perhaps I could go and tell the girl to be more careful and less trusting. But it isn't my place to do so. I stopped at another light, and saw a pregnant young girl, perhaps a year or two older than the teen I had just seen. A gulp rose in my throat and I looked away. But I had met the girl's eyes for a split second.

The girl stuck her chin out. It was a natural defensive response whenever she felt judged for being a stupid, young, pregnant girl. I will survive, and I will make that bastard ex-boyfriend of mine regret this, she told herself. She was on track to put the baby up for adoption, and hoped to God she was doing the right thing. She felt like she had seen the lady in the car before.

I am not judging you, its just too painful to look at you little girl. I hoped the girl would understand why I looked away. Maybe someday she would.

I pulled into the parking lot and went in to sit on a park bench. I saw a woman in her thirties, looking longingly at a young family of four strolling nearby. She caught me looking, and lowered her eyes.

"I hope she doesn't think I am creepy for staring at that family" the woman thought as she bent down to blow on a marigold stem. She reminded her of herself, some years ago.

Is it despicable that I know exactly why and how that woman feels? She looks like me too. I didn't feel very much like empathy, so I got up and walked away. I almost banged into an old lady who was walking by herself. She had all the grace I had hoped for my own old age, but no help. I felt like I knew her from somewhere.

"Take care of yourself" the old woman whispered. The only advantage of failing health, hearing and sight, was the right to dole out free advice. The young lady looks very much like I did, not so long ago, she thought. How the time had passed. If only she had had the courage to do what was right for her when she was still young. I have to live with my mistakes. She hoped the younger one didn't have to as well.

I walked across the park, back to my car. I felt like I saw my whole life flash before my eyes. Am I dying soon? Its too early for that, there is so much I want to do! Live in Paris, see the Pyramids, the list is endless. Maybe it was time to change.

When he came home that evening, his bag was in the hall.

"You must leave" I said, to his disbelieving face.

I had to start somewhere.

Maybe I will move to Paris soon.