Rush Hour 2

Welcome to Rush Hour. This is your host Rush, as you know by now.

Today, I am in the beautiful environs of the Himalayas.. freakin cold out here.. ('Mind your language', warns a voice on my earphone)

Meet Mr. Earth. And no, he is not a winner of a beauty pageant, he is for real.

'So Mr Earth, ..'

'Call me Mud' a booming voice interrupts.

'Would Mud be your first name?' I don't want to laugh out loud.

'Its a long story' sighs Mr Earth.. er Mud.

'So tell me, what's with the hot geysers ? I have always wanted to know' I say brightly. I can hear my producer groan.

'Well... Keep this off the record..You know when you are surrounded by water, and you get this uncontrollable urge to pee?'

Uh Oh.. I didn't bargain for this. 70% water on the planet, and so he shoots off hot geysers!

I am not even gonna ask him about volcanoes and lava. Eugh.

'Please clarify once and for all. Is there such a thing as Global Warming?'On to more weighty issues.

'Are you guys blind, is all I ask. Aren't there enough signs already? If you are waiting for a sign that says "Global Warming is real" like the "Hollywood" sign, you are in deep trouble my friend.'

'Right. Er.. What do you think about the Population growth?'

'I am reaching B.P.'

'Boiling Point?' I ask.

'Bursting Point.'

'Ha ha.. ' The interview could be going better. You have a minute left, this is prime time, remember? The voice in my ear whispers.

'Nice talking to you, Mud. I am afraid that is all we have time for.'

'I suppose the future of the planet is not as important as the Cameron Diaz-Justin Timberlake break-up.' Deep Sigh. 'All I can say is, Be Very Careful, children.'

'Thanks Mr Earth.' my voice comes out as a squeak.

'Thats it folks, catch you on Rush Hour, at the same time, next week. Ciao!'

Dida speaks !

Welcome to Rush Hour. This is your host Rush speaking. Today we interview Dida, the famed goalie of the favorites to win the World Cup, Brazil. (Samba music blares. And dims as Dida comes into view)
"Hi Dida! Say Hi to your fans in India"
"Namaste. Kaise ho aap"
I look at him, mouth agape. My director recovers quickly and says' close your mouth' in my earpiece.
"How...?" Deep breath. "How do you know Hindi?"
"Arre yaaar, we all watch Hindi movies!"
"You do?"
"Yeah. Parreira insisted. He wanted us to learn from the Hindi movie actors."
"Learn....?" 'You are doing a wonderful job Rush', the voice at my earpiece drips with sarcasm.
"Yep. You know, there are so many actors, and each one of us can derive inspiration from them. Like Ronaldo is scheduled to watch Dev Anand Saab's movies. The 'always young' factor. And also Rishi Kapoor's and Govinda's movies. He can still make his moves inspite of the belly shaking like a room full of jelly."
I watch closely. There is no smirk on his face.
"Hmmm who does Ronaldinho derive inspiration from?"
"Mithun da. 'I am a disco dancer' " Dida imitates the move. "And recently Shahid Kapoor too. This Shiamak's people do a pretty neat job. We are all waiting for him to open a centre in Brazil too."
"So thats how Ronaldinho learnt to dance with the ball!" I exclaim, like I discovered a gold mine.
He gives me a 'What was I talking about for so long' look. 'Rasssshhhhmmiiiiiiiiii' the voice in my ear. He's calling me by my full name. Its must be really bad then.
"So how different is it playing for the national team from AC Milan?"
"Playing for Brazil is amazing. You play for the country. The level of patriotism in the team and the adulation of our fans and supporters back home....it really is touching. And of course, we get to see your movies!"
Not again!
"Tell me about Kaka" The cutie pie. Did I say that aloud? I can't remember. No shocked voice at my ear, so I am safe. For the moment.
"Oh he's a lot like your Hrithik Roshan."
"He is? A heartthrob, you mean?"
"Yeah, and the movie Lakshya. The whole patriotism - team spirit - goal - maksad shindig"
"Oh. Wow. So how is your team preparting for the Group 2 matches?" Smart question, I tell myself.
"Krrish released today, so Kaka is treating us all to a dekko of the movie."
Dumbfounded again. So thats the secret of their success story? 'Wrap it up', says the voice.
"Dida. Before we wrap it up, who do you emulate?"
"Rajesh Khanna."
"Let me guess. His hand movements?"
"You guessed it babe!"
Wide smile from moi as I finally feel on top of this scenario. (Don't you think dirty!)
"Nice talking to you Dida. Very enlightening. All the best for the rest of the World Cup."
"Thanks Rush."
As the Samba music grows to a deafening level, I hear a "Psssst" from Dida.
"Dont be surprised if we do a Koi Mil Gaya or a Krrish and start jumping around the stadium using some Jadoo."
Was he smiling? Did I really hear that? I guess we will soon find out!
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It didn't turn out as funny as when it was in my head :) perhaps writing after 1 in the nite, while chatting and orkutting and having had a gruelling dance class which included >100 stomach crunches is not the best time to write!! will edit this post soon...