April 27, 2006

A Lost Love

Lay a whisper.. on my pillow,
leave the winter.. on the ground.
I wake up lonely,
there’s air of silence.. in the bedroom
and all around...

It has been a long time since I even thought of him. But sometimes, the memories just wont go away. Like now. It's the eve of his birthday. Last year, it was one of the best times we had. I had surprised him at his house with a cake on the stroke of twelve. All our friends were there too. He wasn't expecting a party, and I was so proud of myself for keeping it a secret. A smile steals across my face now as I think of that night.

touch me now,
I close my eyes
and dream away.

I loved going on his bike, late in the evening, when there's barely any traffic, and you can zoom your heart out. The wind in my hair, him riding the bike, in the middle of the night. There was this one time when we were going by the airport, and for one timeless moment, we were parallel to a plane landing on the air strip. Exhilarating.

It must have been love
but it’s over now.
it must have been good
but I lost it somehow.
it must have been love
but it’s over now.

We fit so snugly into each other. It had always felt so.. perfect. I loved watching him try to teach me the intricacies of the stock market. How I could make my money work for me. It was pure joy watching his face creased in concentration. How animated his eyes were. And how serious he could be. He was smart, no doubt about it. Just not the right person for me.

It had started unravelling in the past few months. Insecurity, less time with each other, probably boredom too. It was not fun anymore. Just a lot of fighting, about trivialities. I knew him like the back of my palm. He probably knew me just as well. Maybe that was the trouble too.

I had to tell him, that it was over. It had been over a long time now, he probably was thinking the same by now. Mulling over it and wondering how he could help fix it. He loved fixing stuff.

I met him at the park near his house. Autumn. Leaves on the ground. Gusts of wind blowing the leaves away. I will always have a mental picture of him turning up the collar of his coat against the wind, and then smiling slowly as he spotted me. I loved the way his smile spread across his face. Unhurried. Like most of the things he did. Unimpulsive. A flash of disgust as I realised I am being unfair to him. I want to keep atleast the good memories. He deserves that. We deserve that. For a long while, he meant the world to me.

from the moment we touched
’til the time had run out.
Make-believing we’re together,
that I’m sheltered by your heart.
but in and outside
I’ve turned to water like a teardrop in your palm.
and it’s a hard winter’s day, I dream away.

'Hey babe.'

We hug. His brows creased into a frown. 'You wanted to talk to me?'

'Yeah. I don't know how to say this... But its over honey'

He was taken by surprise, probably didn't realise what I was talking about yet. His face then turns grim.

'I noticed too. Thought we could work it out.'

'I don't think that will happen. You know, better end it now before it turns ugly. Less hurt.'

He did look hurt. 'Maybe.' Disbelief.

'So.. what happens to us? Are we just friends now or what?'

'We will keep in touch. Call if anything. Keeping the other posted. Newsflashes. Not friends. We can never go back to that.'

'I know.'

I hugged him and gave him a kiss on his cheek.

And I walked away.

Without turning back.

It must have been love
but it’s over now,
it was all that I wanted,
now I’m living without.
it must have been love
but it’s over now,
it’s where the water flows,
it’s where the wind blows.

9 comments:

Vasanth said...

*sigh* *sigh*

Divs said...

wow! its like yu just poured yur heart out!!!!

Rush said...

hehe.. poured my heart.. not exactly :D
none of d incidents are true !! ;)

robbie said...

man!! .. jus absolutely lovely .. and sad too .. very nice write-up ..

nish said...

Oye bubli..Oye bubli..
kya hua tujhe bubli!!!..........
;-D

kuch to hua hai!..kuch ho gaya hai!..kuch to huaaaaaaa hai!!...
rush ko..................
kya hogaya hai???!!!....

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmm mmmm mmmmm mm->thatsthe background musik for u!!...

hahaha ;D

by the way -> whose writin did u post??!!...not urs..i guess!..hehe ;-P

that was lovely!!!... :)))

Cruel Intentions said...

Marvelous...
At home and still I could not help but read all of it and then say, Marvelous...

unforgiven said...

Hmmm.. to write or not to write, that is the question.

Rush said...

@attu,
thanks dear :) life is made up of sad moments too!

@nish,
the song aint mine, its roxette's, but d rest is allllll mine ! thanks!

@aman,
thanks a lot dude..hope u are havin fun at home..some review comments for ya that deepak is takin care of!

@rahul,
feel free to write.. or type :)

Sudhir said...

beautifully written